im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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