This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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