Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
