oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
