Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
