This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
