Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
one two three fourrrrnication!
where does the pee come out of this thing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
