The maid of honor just puked.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she smelled like a LAN party
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
