What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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