fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize