Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize