Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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