I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
