If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
someone owes me an orgasm
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
