I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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