around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
