I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
