I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
