we're chasing vodka with high fives
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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