drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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