Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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