The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she pinky promised me she was 18
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
