areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
