Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
