WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
