you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
