Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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