That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
