Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I could fuck to npr.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
