dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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