so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
