just come out here and I will go home with you...
i barfeds in our rink
you will always have a special place in my vag
God, you're like boner-b-gone
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
