do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was not drunk enough for that final.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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