Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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