So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
