Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
this boner is exhausting
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
