omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
