even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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