Yo dont text me then not text me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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