i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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