I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
