just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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