i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
