Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
