Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
