but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
