I'm really into asian looking animals
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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