His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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