Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
