In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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