he thought i was a dude.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
