So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
