I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
