How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
