Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize