Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we made out on top of his cat.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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