i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
