I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They took my balls.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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