clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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