Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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