i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize