Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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