If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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