The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize