You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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