just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
