I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
