I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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