New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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