Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize