i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
