I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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