His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
