i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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