The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize