dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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