why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
