Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
