You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
