Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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