Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
