i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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