you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
