Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
