I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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