oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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