i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
