Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how does that bad decision feel?
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