i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
