Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
