Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Randomize
