I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize