Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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