I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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