Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
