What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
